DEADLINE

Today was supposed to be the deadline for making a decision on lumpectomy or mastectomy. The call came in at the 11th hour and I received a 'reprieve!' An appointment has been made for me to talk to an oncologist (Dr. P) next Friday. Once we talk and I know more about what to expect, I can make an educated decision about the lumpectomy versus mastectomy. Lumpectomy = chemo, then surgery, then radiation. Mastectomy = chemo, then surgery, then potentially more chemo and/or radiation.I also have to decide on whether to have the surgery in Waco or go to Dallas or MD Anderson in Houston. Decisions, decisions, decisions!

FOURTH OF JULY

Thank goodness for a long weekend! I want to sleep all weekend! My brain is weary from all the information. It would be great to just curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head, and forget about the next few months. Fortunately, my family and friends won't let me get away with that! So many people are pulling for me. To all of you that have said a prayer for me - thank you! To all of that have called - thank you! To all of you that have cried--thank you! Better you than me. I will prove I am not a cry-baby. (Even if some close friends are skeptical!) To all of you who reminded me that I was already this way before I lost my mind this week--thank you! I know we will get rid of The Thing!

THE THING

July 3, 2009

I will not say "my breast cancer." I will not own the cancer in any way. Because a dear friend, Kenny Hansmire, won't say the "Big C" word either and called it "the thing," I have decided that's its name. Medically speaking, The Thing is Invasive Ductile Breast Cancer. Downside: The cancer itself is very aggressive. Upside: Once treated, it does not tend to spread to the other breast. My emotions are about the same--upside down and downside up. There have been a couple of 'meltdowns' this week with tears flowing like Niagara Falls. I know that's normal under these circumstances--borne out of so many emotions. I am mad, I am scared, and I don't have time for this! Fortunately, I have slowed the 'water works' and seem to be getting a grip. I just need more information in order to make a decision on which procedure to choose.

FAMILY

JULY 1, 2009

The most difficult part of learning I had The Thing, was to tell my mother and my sons. I don't recall a lot of it because I was still in a blur myself. My mother reacted as any mother would react to news about her child. She's better now and has been assigned to handle what I can eat and cannot eat during the chemo phase. My son, John, in his typical manner simply said, "Forget your vanity, Mom, cut the (#!%$*) things off!" My son, Derrick, took the news much the same as me. He said he felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath him and the he couldn't breathe. Both boys have rallied around me. John's wife, Jaci, sends me photos of my granddaughter, Kaylee, to make sure I have a smile every day. Derrick and his girlfriend, Jenna, ordered pink 'breast cancer awareness' bracelets for everyone! I'm not sure all the guys in my office are into wearing pink bracelets, but they've sure shown me great support.

OMG - WHAT NEXT?

Time to get dressed, go home and think things over. I only have until Friday to decide on the path I will take. That's only four more days. There are just so many thoughts going through my head that I don't know what to do. Then it hits me that I have to tell my mother....and my boys. Tears start all over again and one of the nurses brings us another box of tissues. I finally "get it together," go home and make some phone calls to my sister-in-law and my best friends. Everyone, like me, is shocked, but they all promise to be there for me. I know they will.

THE SURGEON SPEAKS

Enter Dr. Mark Tullos, surgeon. Hey! He's young and he's cute! That did distract me for a minute, but reality hit when it was time to get 'up close and personal.' I suppose it makes sense that every doctor will have to examine the breast in order to make decisons on what to do. Sandi is not crazy about my exibitionism, but I guess we are now "bosom buddies!" Dr. T says I have two options, but neither of them sound like anything I want. He wants me to see an oncologist who will be able to answer treatment questions that the surgeon doesn't handle. He's very patient with us and all our questions. (I think he has been through this before.) While I ask about scars, how invasive will the surgery be, and how do we know it is only the left side that has cancer--Sandi wants to know where he went to school and how long he has been a surgeon. Together we are covering all bases! He's been a surgeon for nine years, got his education at Baylor Medical School & Temple University. Sounds fine. Dr. Tullos is gone and we talk to his nurse. It was reassuring to know that the mother of Dr. Tullos’ nurse had him for her surgery. That's a darn good recommendation. Both the nurse and Dr. Tullos gave me their business cards and said "Call with ANY questions!" If they knew how many questions I will come up with, they might not have given me their numbers!

DON'T BREAK A TOOTH--YOU'LL GET BREAST CANCER!

I broke my tooth last night and had to make an emergency trip to the dentist first thing this morning. Then, I had an appointment with my internist, Dr. Elizabeth Turnage, to get the results of a routine biopsy done last week. A co-worker offered to go with me, but I said, "No. There is nothing wrong, so don't worry about it." That's was the last thing I remember about my life...as it was...everything changed in a matter of minutes. What in the world is going on here? I have breast cancer? No. No way. Dr. Turnage -- I don't have time for this! Something is very wrong here. I can't catch my breath. Help! The doctor called a co-worker/friend Sandi Atkinson and she brought my cell phone and helped me cry for a while. Dr. Turnage had a surgeon she recommended come by to answer as many questions as my muddled brain could think of while Sandi took notes. Hopefully, we can both read them at the end of the day!