CHEMO PLUS ONE, TWO, AND THREE DAYS

On Saturday, Kathy and I went to the hospital for an injection of an anti-nausea medication called ‘Nevlasta’ – as in nausea ‘neva’ lasts! I like that idea—but it is only a theory. I accidentally invented a new word last week when sending notes to Sandi for the blog. A typo created ‘MAUSEA’ which I actually experienced on Monday after my first chemo treatment. I think it is a combination of “massive” and “nausea.” While at the hospital, I met the other oncologist, Dr. O. I really like him a lot. He has beautiful long eyelashes. I hope I do, too, when the chemo is all out of my system!

Sunday I didn’t feel too badly, just very tired. Nothing that I have not been told to expect, but I never realized how really tired a person can get! So, I sacked out in my new ‘jungle themed’ bed and stayed cozy. I hear…"In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight" every time I cover up!

Monday, I made it to work fairly easily, but did nap with my head on my desk during lunch. The “mausea” is a bit stronger today than yesterday.

Tuesday was the worst day. My bones ached so much and it took all my effort to get ready and get to work. Emotions ran high early in the day, but I ‘got a grip’ and made it until 5. Work is good for me, even though my thought processes seem to get jumbled. My co-workers sarcastically say I seem like my normal self.

CHEMO BEGINS

Friday, July 31 – 1:00 pm – Time for my first chemotherapy treatment. My sister-in-law (and dear, dear friend), Kathy Thompson, is accompanying me to the Cancer Clinic. There are no gorgeous men to fall in love with, but that really isn’t the purpose, now is it? The room has a bunch of lounge chairs and one other lady there for treatment. She is a bit of a baby about needles. Not me! I’m psyched and ready to get the show on the road. (Anyone buy that?)

The nurse inserts a needle shaped like a ‘7’ into my port-a-cath and connects me to a bag of saline solution to flush the vein. Two more bags of solution marked “A” and “C” are attached. According to (the adorable) Dr. Patel, the “A” bag contains Adriamycin (Adria-my-cin--wasn’t that a 1950s perfume) or Doxorubicin (which my friends call dox-oh-roo-bi-sin-da-da-do-wah-diddy-diddy-do). The “C” bag contains cyclophoshamide (sye-kloe-FOSS-fa-mide) or Cytoxan (sye-Tox-an). Big words for big chemicals to whack the The Thing! A fourth bag of solution is added that contains anti-nausea medicine. The entire process takes about 90 minutes, during which Kathy and I play “Go Fish with this over-sized deck of cards.

Drip, Drip, Drip Kathy and the big cards













HAIR AFFAIR – THE SEQUEL
It’s a given that the chemo will push all my hair out by the roots, but I am not letting The Thing dictate my hair either! I am taking the high road and starting the process myself. Once again, Dianne Balderrama comes to the rescue by snipping away my tresses. I don’t know if I will get used to having short hair (of if I will have time to get used to it!) but everyone seems to like it. It sure has a lot of curl when it is short! The upside is that I can go from shower to office in a much shorter time. Less hair, less shampoo, less mousse, less…well, you get the picture! When the first tresses start falling out, Dianne is going to get the clippers and we’re going to buzz me and pull out the wigs! (Do not wait for photos of the buzz cut—not happening!)

THE THING REMAINS

The Thing remains, but we now have a plan that has been formulated. I visited the oncologist last Friday. I liked him VERY much. He was very caring and spent a long time with me and Linda (my other set of ears) to make me understand where I am and where I am going. The March report from the ultrasound showed a tumor around 4cm in size, which is Stage II. After he examined me he said he feels it is now approximately 5-6 cm in size, which is Stage III. He said we need to get started immediately.

I have been learning toward a mastectomy, or possibly a double mastectomy. I DON’T want to go through this again. And, I also wanted to have reconstruction immediately following the surgery. The doctor informed me that he will be recommending radiation after the surgery. I didn’t think I would have to have radiation after a total mastectomy, but he said I will be having chemo before surgery, maybe after surgery, and I will definitely have radiation. So the reconstruction will have to wait. This also gives me another eight weeks or so to gather more information about a lumpectomy versus a mastectomy.

THE NEW GUY IN MY LIFE

Meet “Phillip,” the new guy in my life! He’s not much fun on dates as we never go ‘out.’ He just sits around (the hospital) all day. He’s really into photography and takes tons of photos of me! I have not seen any of the photos, but I know he’s shared them with my doctors! Phillip is my new best friend because he’s great at assisting with diagnoses! Many thanks to Phillips and Toshiba for their state-of-the art diagnostic equipment.

ANOTHER ‘HAIR RAISING’ OCCASION

I start chemo tomorrow (Friday, July 31). Today, I brought my new wigs to the office and everyone (almost—everyone) tried them on! This was great and provided me with a lot of laughs. Vince Thompson looked like the 40-ish Elvis and Kevin Morgan—well, we’d never seen Kevin with hair! Todd Bell did his impersonation of “Cousin It” from The Addams Family movie and Renee Clayton went RED. It was great to have a good laugh and relax for a few minutes before having to think about chemo tomorrow. I dread the ‘unknown’ of it all!

(Below Vince, Kevin, Todd, and Renee, in that order.)

LAUGHING ALL THE WAY!

I’ve heard that laughter is the best medicine, so I have directed all my family and friends to keep me laughing…and they have!

· Amy Gilstrap, a long time friend and my former assistant, told me that if I have reconstructive surgery with implants that I will float if I fall out of a boat. True. You never know when you might fall out of a boat—and I like to be prepared!

· All too many “friends” tell me that when I start chemo I won’t have to worry about ‘bad hair days!’ Only a friend with a head full of hair would say that, of course!

· My son John called me one day to say, “Hey, Mom. Is there anything you want to get off your chest?” Did I ever raise a smart ass kid!

· My co-workers at the AFCA all showed up one day wearing buttons they purchased from a breast cancer awareness website that read “Save the Ta-Tas!” Never a dull moment at the office, that’s for sure!

THE HAIR AFFAIR

The thought of losing my hair because of the chemotherapy is not making me happy, but I don’t have a choice. Once again, my friends come to my rescue! Long-time friend and hairdresser, Dianne Balderrama, cut my hair shorter so I can ‘ease’ into the no-hair stage. The cry-baby came out for a minute or two. Everyone was very complimentary when I showed up at work with my new short-term do. I’ll get through this!!
A few days later, it was off to the wig shop. I picked out a couple but wanted some opinions. Enter friends Linda Pulliam, Donnis Cowan, and Dianne (with two bottles of wine in hand!). This wig shop will never be the same!

We all tried on wigs and had lots of laughs. I picked up a gray wig (to try the style…not the color) and an elderly lady sitting at another mirror got up out of her chair, leaned on her walker to get a better look then said (very loudly), “No way, girl. That gray hair ain’t for you!” Yes, but is NO HAIR better than gray?

Dianne, Linda, Donnis and me…we all go blonde!

DEADLINE

Today was supposed to be the deadline for making a decision on lumpectomy or mastectomy. The call came in at the 11th hour and I received a 'reprieve!' An appointment has been made for me to talk to an oncologist (Dr. P) next Friday. Once we talk and I know more about what to expect, I can make an educated decision about the lumpectomy versus mastectomy. Lumpectomy = chemo, then surgery, then radiation. Mastectomy = chemo, then surgery, then potentially more chemo and/or radiation.I also have to decide on whether to have the surgery in Waco or go to Dallas or MD Anderson in Houston. Decisions, decisions, decisions!

FOURTH OF JULY

Thank goodness for a long weekend! I want to sleep all weekend! My brain is weary from all the information. It would be great to just curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head, and forget about the next few months. Fortunately, my family and friends won't let me get away with that! So many people are pulling for me. To all of you that have said a prayer for me - thank you! To all of that have called - thank you! To all of you that have cried--thank you! Better you than me. I will prove I am not a cry-baby. (Even if some close friends are skeptical!) To all of you who reminded me that I was already this way before I lost my mind this week--thank you! I know we will get rid of The Thing!

THE THING

July 3, 2009

I will not say "my breast cancer." I will not own the cancer in any way. Because a dear friend, Kenny Hansmire, won't say the "Big C" word either and called it "the thing," I have decided that's its name. Medically speaking, The Thing is Invasive Ductile Breast Cancer. Downside: The cancer itself is very aggressive. Upside: Once treated, it does not tend to spread to the other breast. My emotions are about the same--upside down and downside up. There have been a couple of 'meltdowns' this week with tears flowing like Niagara Falls. I know that's normal under these circumstances--borne out of so many emotions. I am mad, I am scared, and I don't have time for this! Fortunately, I have slowed the 'water works' and seem to be getting a grip. I just need more information in order to make a decision on which procedure to choose.

FAMILY

JULY 1, 2009

The most difficult part of learning I had The Thing, was to tell my mother and my sons. I don't recall a lot of it because I was still in a blur myself. My mother reacted as any mother would react to news about her child. She's better now and has been assigned to handle what I can eat and cannot eat during the chemo phase. My son, John, in his typical manner simply said, "Forget your vanity, Mom, cut the (#!%$*) things off!" My son, Derrick, took the news much the same as me. He said he felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath him and the he couldn't breathe. Both boys have rallied around me. John's wife, Jaci, sends me photos of my granddaughter, Kaylee, to make sure I have a smile every day. Derrick and his girlfriend, Jenna, ordered pink 'breast cancer awareness' bracelets for everyone! I'm not sure all the guys in my office are into wearing pink bracelets, but they've sure shown me great support.

OMG - WHAT NEXT?

Time to get dressed, go home and think things over. I only have until Friday to decide on the path I will take. That's only four more days. There are just so many thoughts going through my head that I don't know what to do. Then it hits me that I have to tell my mother....and my boys. Tears start all over again and one of the nurses brings us another box of tissues. I finally "get it together," go home and make some phone calls to my sister-in-law and my best friends. Everyone, like me, is shocked, but they all promise to be there for me. I know they will.

THE SURGEON SPEAKS

Enter Dr. Mark Tullos, surgeon. Hey! He's young and he's cute! That did distract me for a minute, but reality hit when it was time to get 'up close and personal.' I suppose it makes sense that every doctor will have to examine the breast in order to make decisons on what to do. Sandi is not crazy about my exibitionism, but I guess we are now "bosom buddies!" Dr. T says I have two options, but neither of them sound like anything I want. He wants me to see an oncologist who will be able to answer treatment questions that the surgeon doesn't handle. He's very patient with us and all our questions. (I think he has been through this before.) While I ask about scars, how invasive will the surgery be, and how do we know it is only the left side that has cancer--Sandi wants to know where he went to school and how long he has been a surgeon. Together we are covering all bases! He's been a surgeon for nine years, got his education at Baylor Medical School & Temple University. Sounds fine. Dr. Tullos is gone and we talk to his nurse. It was reassuring to know that the mother of Dr. Tullos’ nurse had him for her surgery. That's a darn good recommendation. Both the nurse and Dr. Tullos gave me their business cards and said "Call with ANY questions!" If they knew how many questions I will come up with, they might not have given me their numbers!

DON'T BREAK A TOOTH--YOU'LL GET BREAST CANCER!

I broke my tooth last night and had to make an emergency trip to the dentist first thing this morning. Then, I had an appointment with my internist, Dr. Elizabeth Turnage, to get the results of a routine biopsy done last week. A co-worker offered to go with me, but I said, "No. There is nothing wrong, so don't worry about it." That's was the last thing I remember about my life...as it was...everything changed in a matter of minutes. What in the world is going on here? I have breast cancer? No. No way. Dr. Turnage -- I don't have time for this! Something is very wrong here. I can't catch my breath. Help! The doctor called a co-worker/friend Sandi Atkinson and she brought my cell phone and helped me cry for a while. Dr. Turnage had a surgeon she recommended come by to answer as many questions as my muddled brain could think of while Sandi took notes. Hopefully, we can both read them at the end of the day!